I had great end-of-the-year holidays planned, lots of visiting with friends and family, Christmas and Hanukah celebrations, 7 new business books to read and a brand-spankin’ new 2010 notebook, all sectioned off for my various projects.
We had a great dinner invite for New Year’s Eve, and then I had three blissful uninterrupted days planned to really get my game on for Business 2010. Ha.
After a lovely Julia Child dinner (prepared by a great cook who just got the book as a Christmas present…) an enthusiastic 5 year old went to hug my mother good night and somehow or other – we don’t know how, none of the other adults were in the room and my mom doesn’t remember – my mom fell on the kitchen floor face down.
That first year was a long year – for both of us. The second year it got a lot better. My fondest hope for her was that somehow she’d come through all the grief and get some years to find out who she was on her own – in the best way. In the way we do when we’re alone and not in a couple – sometimes you get that time, sometimes you don’t. And sometimes it’s not what you choose. But, it’s never uninteresting and sometimes great things come out of those times.
She did that. And, I started to re-invent myself too. What I had been doing for all those years didn’t fit anymore, and it took some time to find out what did. Oh, all this at mid-life too – I’m on the fast track for learning life lessons, I guess.
Back to New Year’s Eve. My mom falls, wants to get up on her own, complains that her neck is killing her. We were ready to leave any way, so we get her slowly to the car, only to realize this is crazy, we can’t take her home, she’s in too much pain. We call 911 – we didn’t have the presence of mind to do that earlier, I don’t know why – we hadn’t even had very much to drink – some wine with dinner….
Twenty minutes later we’re in the emergency room. It’s New Year’s Freaking Eve. I’m never on the road on Dec 31 – but guess what? It’s true. People are still out there drinking and driving and they were bringing in car wreck victim after car wreck victim, which was making it take longer to get my mother a CT scan, and then get it diagnosed, and her pain is getting more agonizing by the minute and nothing they’re giving her is touching it. And they were giving her a LOT of medication.
Finally, around 4 a.m. we learn that her neck is broken. Broken. OK – maybe I’ve been living under a rock, but I didn’t know you could break your neck and live, or live and not be paralyzed. I really didn’t. She doesn’t get any pain relief until around 8 in the morning, at which point I went home to have a shower and a cup of tea and lay shaking on the couch, too tired to sleep.
I’ll tell the rest of the story quick: there were a lot of decisions to be made, a lot of doctors to see, and a lot of questions about my mother’s independence and the fact that she’s told me a million times that she’d literally rather be dead than in a nursing home or lose her independence. And, I’m more or less in charge here. Oh, and I had all these plans for the New Year and I really needed to make some things happen.
It’s been an extremely stressful 19 days, I look grey and I feel tired. My mom has been home for two days now my cousin (make that Saint Cousin) came up from California to spend a week with her AND she’s a retired nurse. So, I have time to think for a minute.
I don’t feel quite like myself, and I’ve done enough work that (mostly) I know how to manage my mind and do what needs doing. And, I’m full of remembering that lesson that I seem to keep needing to learn over and over again: life can and does change in a heartbeat. Appreciate what you’ve got right here, right now. Haiti has been another stark reminder.
And yet, I’m amazed at human resilience and the people who show up to help, and care and how meaningless it would be without that. Once again, that’s really the bottom line. Thank you to all the people who showed up, called up, made food, sent love, sent flowers, sent cards and reached o
ut. I’m not sure what lies ahead with all this, but then….we never are…
Oh, a final word – turns out I had a lot of time to read all those business books – my concentration wasn’t at its peak – but I learned a lot, I’ll share some of that next time around…
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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Wow, I am so deeply sorry to hear this, and hope that your mom is getting better every day. Life certainly can change in a heartbeat and there is nothing more precious than the here and now.
~Sending Love~
.-= Beth Allen´s last blog ..Day 25 ~ 5 Tips for Creating the Results You Truly Desire! =-.
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Thanks Beth – ain’t that the truth — helps me remember to be grateful for what I’ve got — right here – right now!
Wow, that caught a lump in my throat. Just wow. I too am one of those fiercely independent women and I can’t imagine the struggles you must be going through.
Medically speaking the neck is bones and can be just hairline fractures. As long as the spinal cord isn’t damaged there is no long term mobility/movement issues. Its breaking of the neck or back that damage/break/sever the spinal cord that we are so used to in the news. Death from neck breaks only happen if the airway is damaged (such as in hangings), or if the spinal cord is severed and stops the lungs from working. Just a break of the bones is actually semi common in vehicle accidents and the like. I have to wonder how the hug of a small child set this injury off. Wow.
I know you’re probably hearing this a lot, but if you need a ear, shoulder or hug, I’ve got plenty to spare. Hang in there gf!
Kimberly
.-= Kimberly Castleberry´s last blog ..The FTC Changes & You: Protecting Your Business (Part 1) =-.
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Thanks for the medical info — I’ve learned quite a lot about broken bones, particularly broken necks and spinal cord injuries in recent weeks. Thanks for the support — I’m really fortunate to have a great support network – and my mom is fortunate that hers is even bigger – her friends have huge hearts and fridge is full, the errands are run, the visits and plenty and the card games are flying….!
WOW, now this really is an obstacle. I am very sorry to hear that your mother was hurt and sincerely hope she is doing better.
The fact that you had the energy and concentration to even write this speaks volumes about your character and level of determination.
Remember, life will have its ups and downs and if you continue to do your best in the hard times, the good times will pay you dividends.
.-= Jose H. Caraballo´s last blog ..The Simplest Way to Order Your Free Annual Credit Report =-.
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Jose, Thanks for those kinds words – I like the way you think…I have the energy – the concentration is questionable, but it’s coming back – I’m unstoppable…wait and see. Thanks a million, it means alot. Amy