Is Happiness a Choice?

Funny how things change. Around Thanksgiving I was thinking about February and spending a week in Mexico or Hawaii and how lovely and relaxing that would be. Now it’s the end of January and a day at home with no outside obligations sounds way better than a week in Mexico did a few months ago.

And, it’s a mental state and I know it. I’m working hard on my mental state these days and the many years of study and practice and teaching really pays off. Funny how often the right thing pops into my life at jut the right time. This morning it was a reminder that you can’t be responsible for anyone else’s happiness and that we’re all here to write our own story – sure, our stories intersect, but ultimately we all make our own choices. Even when we think they’re not choices…

I was thinking today about an incident about 5 years ago. I was at a marketing conference in Louisville KY. I got to the airport for my return flight plenty early, despite the fact that I was up in the early hours trying to pack a Louisville slugger – a gift I received for excellence in leadership at a dinner the night before. They don’t fit in a suitcase and don’t think about carrying a baseball bat on a flight…I didn’t want to leave it behind – it’s pretty cool and still sits here in my office…

I went to the airport with two colleagues who were headed to Florida – -their plane was later and they were going to grab lunch at the airport. I got to my gate only to learn the flight was delayed 2 hours or more – the plane hadn’t arrived yet. I asked them if I had time to join some people in the restaurant – would the flight be announced – would I be able to hear the announcement in the restaurant? They assured me it would be at least two hours, and that everything was announced all over the airport, including the restaurant. I asked if it was a good idea to check back in an hour or so. They said, not necessary, but if you want to….

It wasn’t very far to the restaurant – I found my colleagues and had lunch with them. After about an hour or so, I decided to wander back to the gate. I did – only to find see the plane – my flight – pulling away from the gate – just rolling back from the ramp. I was PISSED. Getting from Louisville to Seattle was going to take 9-10 hours with a layover as it was. The airport people were less than helpful. The Northwest employees were mostly rude and treated me like an idiot – not at all like a valued customer. (I’ve never flown them since)….after almost two hours of going around the airport talking to various people, the best they could do was get me on a flight about 5 hours later – which would mean getting to Seattle about 3 in the morning. I was already tired – I never sleep at conferences – I love staying up until all hours and talking to people – it’s when you get the best information and really get to know people.

I walked around pissed off for about an hour and then I thought: well, this is stupid – I can run around angry and waste my time, or I can change my mood and make the best of it. I got to thinking – what if I missed that plane and it crashed? How would I feel then? Really fortunate. Shocked. Grateful. I could feel what all those emotions felt like and realized I could turn them on and off at will. Why not feel like that anyway? It felt much better than being angry and righteous.

I spent the rest of the hours at the airport playing with those ideas and when I arrived at Seatac in the wee hours I was still feeling really good. I felt like I had slipped through the wormhole – I wasn’t another tired, pissed-off passenger – I was someone who leads a charmed life where everything falls perfectly into place. Is it always that easy? Maybe. Does it always work like for me? Not always – but more and more. And the more it does, the better it goes. And like, everything else, it gets better with practice.

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