How much of your work day is engineered and carefully planned and how much of your day just happens. Do you find most days that you feel productive and accomplished? Or do you more often feel frustrated and overwhelmed, like there are a million things on your plate you haven’t gotten to.

Have you learned when to say YES and when to say NO? A while back I related a story about a woman I know who has had several opportunities to meet in person with the Dalai Lama. She got to sit and drink tea with him one day while he was going about his morning routine.

Over tea he would review his mail and all the requests that were made of him – and apparently there are plenty. What impressed her was how quickly he sorted through all of it. He’d look through each piece and say YES, NO, NO, YES, YES – as he sorted each item into the yes or no stack. What she learned was that he was able to do that very easily because he knows EXACTLY what his agenda is and so he knows what fits and what doesn’t, and he told he never feels bad about saying no. Just like that.

I’m including that story again because I think it’s something to aspire to. Learning when to say yes and when to say no. Like everyone else, I get a lot of different ideas coming through all the time and in the past year I’ve had a good number of offers for business partnerships and joint ventures.

I’ve started to pay close attention to how these things make me feel after learning just a little bit about them. Some make me feel instantly tired and overwhelmed. Those go in the NO pile. Others make me feel energized and/or curious. Those go in the YES or future ideas pile.

I don’t have complete finesse yet – I think I objected a little too strenuously to a friend and client the other day and I felt really bad about it. I was certain I knew what was right in the situation and it was time to say no. There are ways to do that ‘correctly’.  I cleared it up and so I’m learning moderation too.

It’s the same though, for daily activities. Knowing what activities move you toward you goals and which don’t. Hint: obsessive email checking and playing Farmville don’t. If you’re able to periodically turn off (or away from) email and IM and even the phone if that rings a lot, you’re on the right track.

Try making a list of what you want to get done and sort it out by priorities for the day or week. Then write down what you actually do on a given day – do that for a week if you can stand it. This exercise was eye-opening for me because I learned that there were a good number of things on my to-do list that I spent way more time thinking about then they actually took me to do. I sort those smaller tasks and do them all in a couple of hours and feel really accomplished.

There’s too much information, there’s too much to do, and it’s just not all important. When you figure out what is, and you make those things happen consistently, you’ll find the quality of your life improves, and so does your bank account.

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Does Your Mind Ever Feel Like This?

This has been a big topic around here lately, and I’ve gotten lots of feedback about it. There are so many things we stay busy doing – that grab our attention, the things we do instead of ‘getting the job done’. Instead of engaging in the activities that will actually make you money, do you spend time reading and writing email, attending trainings, knowing that you’re going to get that one pearl of wisdom that will turn things around and help you achieve the success you really long for? Reading and listening to endless accounts of other people’s success?

The last few weeks I’ve really had to reign in my mind and my business. I’ve been in a state of overwhelm about all that I have to do/want to do and since a number of these things are new to me, the amount I need to do to get up to speed feels really overwhelming.  How do you sort out what part of learning and studying and tweaking things is productive and when is it time to just get out of your own way and get the job done? Accepting that you don’t need to learn more, you just need to do more.

Training and learning, while incredibly important can lead us to fool ourselves into thinking we’re working and accomplishing something (well, we probably are, but it is the thing that we need to be accomplishing?). Are we hiding behind the training and the learning and the email and the ebooks and the newsletters and the blogs and the RSS feeds to avoid the scary task of actually putting ourselves out there and building business?

I got so off track last month that I needed to sit down with someone else for two hours and talk it all through and have her help me come up with a way to systematize my work and my work life. I’ve worked for myself for more than 20 years, and I’m not a slacker, I’m pretty driven and usually pretty focused. Right now, I’m doing several things, they bleed over into one another, but some are long-term money drivers, some are short term and I’ve been tripping all over myself not knowing how much effort to put into what, how to prioritize and it was causing me some real anxiety. I’d go to sleep with everything all settled and feeling clear and purposeful and I’d wake up feeling lost and sometimes frightened.

OK – so what to do about it all? How to figure out what’s important, what’s not – cut through the clutter and figure out what you’re really committed to and what you’re going to do about it? How do you streamline your life and work? One thing that’s helpful is accepting that some days it’s just going to scare the crap out of you. Just accepting that can be a relief. It doesn’t give you permission to stop producing, it just means it’s freakin’ scary…end of story. Stop measuring yourself by other peoples’ standards or accomplishments. Just look at you and fix you. Everyone else is scared too – the ones you admire are just better and more experienced at dealing with their fear and getting the job done in spite of it.

For most of us in business, time is our most precious resource and we squander it way too easily – admit it – you do, I do…Last week, after making a list of all projects and all the tasks I needed to get done every day or every week for each, I actually made a schedule and timed my activities. I found out how long it really takes to do certain things. I found out that in some cases, I’ve spent more time thinking about some things than they actually take to do…

I actually believe that we mostly know what we need to do, but we trick ourselves into thinking that the ‘other things’ are productive. After all, learning a new method or technique, or finding out how Terry does it will help me to do it better and be as successful as Terry is. Yes, but you’ve got to find a way to integrate the learning, training and studying into YOUR life and YOUR business to make it pay off for YOU.

It seems to me that men are sometimes better at stopping the mental noise and just getting the job done. Women seem to procrastinate because we don’t think what we do or produce will be good enough – if we just learn one more thing, get a little better, we’ll be there. But the thing that really gets you there is doing the job and getting better at it. Nothing will build your confidence like creating goals – even really small ones, and then achieving them. Nothing will erode your confidence like procrastinating and putting off doing the thing you know you need to be doing over and over again. Then time goes by and the people you admire are doing better, and you’re not and you think it’s your fault – you’re not good enough and you perpetuate the cycle.

Years ago something I heard a presenter (in yet another training) say really stuck with me. He was talking about getting a new story. So, here you are today – wherever you are with your business – whatever level of success, however long you’ve been at it. You can decide today to approach it differently and tell yourself and the world your new story. For example: I rewrote my story last week when I decided that I wasn’t going to hide behind the learning, and I was just going to get out there and get the job done, move my life and my business forward, and I was going to do it by getting focused, getting clear on what I want to accomplish, and getting rid of all the things in my day that don’t move me closer to my goals.

That translates into a story like: up until now (great phrase for letting your tricky mind know that it ain’t gonna be like that going forward) I was confused about what I needed to do to achieve my goals and really build me business. I got clear, I changed my habits (I’m doing this – it’s NOT easy – I’ll keep you posted), and I’m determined to take my business to another level in the next 90 days. That’s the story and for me what it looks like is actually DOING the things I know (now) that I must do to make this happen. It’s totally up to me, and I’m no longer willing to NOT do what it takes, because I want the results. OK – now I’ve said it publicly – so watch me!!!

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Your MLM Brand

There are a lot things to consider when you decide to build a networking marketing business. Some basics: you have to choose a company that has a product or service that resonates with you, a company that has integrity and staying power over the long haul, a comp plan that suits you.

Once you’ve got all those things lined up and in place, the most important piece of the equation is YOU. That’s true in so many ways, but since you’re promoting your business and you’re the first contact people have with your company, YOUR BRAND – who you are and how you present yourself is something you really want to develop.

What’s your brand? It’s who you are, how you operate and move in the world. What’s your business brand? What defines how you work? How you relate to people? What are your core values and how do you bring them to your business? Here’s how I see some of mine:

Accessible
Friendly
Easy-to-Talk-to
Follows up with determination, but not attached to outcome
Up to the minute on my industry
Savvy business woman
Respectful
Willing to invest my time in building a relationship
Sense of Humor

How do you see yours? What qualities do you bring to the business table that will make YOU stand out from the crowd? Give it some thought. Choose your best qualities and bring them to your business.

I truly believe that what’s unique about you is what makes your success. That’s the part that isn’t “duplicatable” (I know for those of you who are picky, the word is really duplicable, but no one says that!). And, it’s the part that if you work on how you present ‘it’ (you) to the world, and get really clear on it, and comfortable with it, will make your success. Guaranteed.

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Are You Listening?

You’ve no doubt heard the cliché – we were given two ears and one mouth because we should listen twice as much as we talk…

Are you guilty of talking more than you listen? I sometimes am. I just spent 5 days with my brother who does a lot of public speaking and unabashedly admitted that he loves to get in front of the room and talk about his favorite topic: HIMSELF! Social scientists tell us that whether or not we want to admit it, that’s true for most of us – we are our own favorite subject.

Do you know that the people most of us like best are the ones who ask us about ourselves? Who really listen to what we have to say? I find that in networking, especially when people get nervous or are a bit intimidated, they tend to talk more than they listen. If you can develop your ability to listen and ask questions, you’ll increase your income.

That’s actually true no matter what business you’re in. However, in network marketing, people often have the goal of communicating their concept and they get so caught up in delivering the message that they can forget to spend time asking the qualifying questions, or spending the time to really warm up the prospect – getting to know them and what makes them tick, what they might be looking for, or might be interested in looking at.

Try a few of these questions, and see if you don’t get further with your prospects:

If there was one thing you could change about your current financial situation, what would that be?

What would your ideal workplace be?

What would you ideal workday look like?

Could you see yourself working like that?

Do you keep your options open? If something came along that would allow you to achieve that ideal situation would you look at it?

What would you do differently if you had an extra $1-2 thousand dollars every month?

How would that impact you (or your family?)

Listen to the answers and don’t jump in right away with the solution. Try instead to respond with: That’s interesting – tell me more about that. Or: Thanks for telling me that – I’m trying to learn more about what makes people tick so I can get better at what I do.

Then, let them ask you about what you do if they’re curious. Don’t jump all over the chance to download about what you do. Instead, stay a little removed, and let them ask you. They’ll find what you’ve got more appealing, and they’ll find your approach refreshing. And, that will very likely draw them closer to REALLY wanting to learn about what you do, and how.

Remember too, whatever you do that moves your business forward when your talking to a potential business partner trains that person. So, if they did join you at some point, you would have been setting an example. Taking the Low-Key Question Asking approach might just be something they feel comfortable with and that makes an easy transition for them to be able to see themselves doing what you do!

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Jump Out and Be Yourself

Posture is really your attitude. Attitude in the whole sense, as in state of mind as opposed to your street swagger, for example. A great networker I know talks about putting on her ‘posture pants’ before making a phone call.

What she means is adjusting her attitude, getting in the right frame of mind. The attitude we want to convey is one of confidence and enthusiasm. Confidence comes over time from experience and belief. So how does that translate for someone just getting started, when perhaps you don’t feel confident yet in your abilities?

The key is to find what you are confident about. Many new networkers are concerned about talking to people because they haven’t made a lot (or sometimes any money) yet. They wonder who would listen to them and why.

I’m not a big believe in fake-it-til-you-make-it. I’m a big believer in being authentic and telling the truth. What that looks like in this example is saying: you know, I’ve done my due diligence, I’m in the process of training and education and I’m looking for a few people like you, so that together we can build something that will be financially meaningful for both of us. AND, this is the coolest thing I’ve ever seen OR this is the first thing I really see will work for me…you’ve gotta see it! So, tell the truth, and share your enthusiasm.

No one starts a business and is making money right away. In fact, in traditional business the norm is about two years before most businesses are in profit. So, when people want to base a decision on what you’ve done in a couple of weeks, you have to help them see the potential for them, not base their decision on some unrealistic expectation.

You start by sharing your enthusiasm and belief. It can be your belief in what you’ve seen, what you’re planning for, what you know others are experiencing already and your enthusiasm about what that will mean to you if you stay the course and realize the success you desire. As I said earlier, and this is the most important point – it’s not about what you’ve already done, it’s about what you’re going to do, and you can be proud of that – you’ve taken a bold and courageous step toward changing your future. Give yourself credit and take that attitude with you.

It’s important to capture the things that motivate you and drive you, and the reasons you’re excited about your new business. Let me be more specific here. When you were doing your research, something got you excited and got you started. What was it?

The product? The company? The comp plan? The fact that you were introduced to your business by someone you know and respect? Someone who’s been successful? All those things are meaningful and you need a way to capture the feelings they produce(d) for you, so you can go back to them and build up your ‘source’ of belief and enthusiasm.

In your process of becoming a student of your company and of the industry, you should be listening and watching and learning from the experts. What have you seen that’s been motivating for you? That enables you to envision what you want, that gives you the feeling of excitement and/or anticipation? Those things are tangible, and repeatable.

Make a list or a mental note of the information that gets you jazzed and USE it. Refer back to it – find 5 and 10 minute snippets that you can use while you’re getting your game on. When you’re getting ready to make calls, or go out and talk to people, or however you’re connecting, get in the right mind set first. It will make your work easier, more enjoyable, and it will absolutely yield better results. It doesn’t take much time, it does take some commitment, and it absolutely works. Doing this consistently will replace feelings of fear with feelings of excitement and possibility. And, that’s the enthusiasm you want to bring to the people you’re talking to.

And, be careful that you don’t make the mistake of thinking that time spent learning about your business and this profession is time you’re investing in building your business. You need to do those things, and know what you’re talking about, and have a certain comfort level with the material, but you need to be talking to people to get things moving and get the money flowing. So, be sure you’re spending time in the activities that make the cash flow.

When you first talk to people, of course you want them to take a look at what you’re doing – and believe me, they will be much more compelled to do that if they catch that you’re excited. Not that you’re making a ton of money, and not that you know all the answers, but that you’re excited. That you’ve found something meaningful and potentially profitable.

Everyone wants to be around the people who are excited about what they’re doing, who are successful and upbeat. Developing your posture is developing your belief – keep it up and you’ll to the point where you’re almost always bulletproof and that will breed more success and more confidence and you will have invested in yourself in a way that will stay with you forever. Once you make the effort, there’s no going back. You stay more confident, focused and capable. And, that’s a great side benefit of committing to excelling at the skills that build this profession.

Remember, no one is perfect AND — this is a cliché, but a very true one, that’s proven out time after time: You can’t say the wrong thing to the right person or the right thing to the wrong person. People are interested or they’re not. It’s not personal. Stay upbeat, and keep building. After all, all the naysayers aren’t going to pay YOUR bills, are they?

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Me and Taz

Mindset is a huge topic since it impacts everything you do. And, it’s fascinating stuff. I was hugely fortunate to grow up with a father who was bent on teaching his kids, and later his grandkids, about his life philosophy of PMA, or Positive Mental Attitude.

Growing up it sometimes frustrated me – you know the way you think you know everything as a kid, and the older you get, the more you realize how open to question so many things really are? Well, I was sure it was made up stuff. Platitudes. Bordering on phony. It sometimes seemed shallow to me. Sure – it’s easy to be positive and upbeat when everything is going well, but what about when it isn’t? Did the concept have any teeth?

My dad proved to me over and over again that he really practiced what he preached, he was a genuinely happy person who had plenty of challenges, but really did always look on the sunny side of life. The concept definitely had teeth, big sharp pointy ones! In later years, I saw him use his positive mental attitude to overcome business adversity and deal with cancer, which he overcame completely.

What he said at the time of the cancer diagnosis was: you know, I’ve lived a great life, I’m getting great medical care, and if they can help me they will, and if they can’t I’ll do everything I can do to enjoy what I’ve got right now. He never complained and he really loved people and enjoyed life. I’ll write more about him in another article – he’s a pretty interesting topic all on his own. But the early life lessons have a way of catching up with you when you need them.

I had some bad news yesterday, when I found out my dearly beloved 7 year old standard poodle may be experiencing liver failure. I’m pretty unglued about it and I too believe in the power of positive thinking. When I was talking to myself yesterday, trying to adjust my thinking, another thing my dad used to say came to mind: if you can do something about it, why worry? If you can’t do anything about it, why worry? Sounds cliche, but you know, worrying really doesn’t help any situation.

For some people worry is a habit. Did you ever think about the expression – let’s worry about that later? Or, let’s worry about that tomorrow. Why? Why plan to worry? Why worry at all. How about: let’s solve that tomorrow? Or, let’s sleep on it and see what best solution turns up?

I don’t want to play out every bad scene in my head, even as my mind starts to go there, I pull back. How about playing out all the great (or even better) possibilities instead? My friend Lisa emailed me today about her dog being in this same state once and getting the same treatment my dog is getting and her dog was, as she said “right as rain” after the treatment. With any luck, I’ll have the same happy story to tell about Taz.

Meantime, what fascinates me about it all is the choice. You can choose what to think about. And the mind is incredibly powerful, it affects so many things, that choice – your outlook, the quality of your life, your health. Again, not to be trite about it, because saying it is one thing, mastering it another.

I remember back to one of the first in-depth personal development courses I took almost 20 years ago. It was a 30 day audio series, with exercises and ‘homework’ – it was a bit hard to get underway, procrastination seemed easier than just doing it, but once I did, I ate it up with a spoon. I LOVED it. It did change my life, because it set me on a life-long quest to improve the quality of my life. So much of that has to do with mastering your mind and your thoughts.

There’s a great story I heard in a seminar I attended a few years back. A woman was recounting how she went to the grocery store on her way home from work. She was tired and the store was crowded as it often is at that hour. Crowded with other tired, busy people in a hurry. She was waiting to pay for her groceries and the the cashier was rude and impatient with the person in the line in front of her. She rang up a few prices incorrectly and when it was brought to her attention, she was pretty snappish about it.

When Mary’s turn came, same rude treatment – the cashier rung up some purchases incorrectly and was not pleasant when Mary brought it to her attention. The ‘bag boy’ helped her out to the car with her groceries, and just by way of making conversation Mary said to him – “boy that checker was rude – maybe she should have a job where she doesn’t come in contact with the public”.

“Oh”, the bag boy said, “her little boy was hit by a car on his bicycle yesterday, – he’s in the hospital, she has no health insurance, and she can’t afford to take the day off to be with him. She’s worried sick, she’s actually a really nice person.”

It changed Mary’s attitude totally. Suddenly she was overwhelmed with compassion for the cashier. She went from feeling annoyed to feeling flooded by emotion – thoughts of her own kids, sad that life is so hard for some people, wondering what she could do to help.

The interesting teaching though, that came out of this experience was how her whole frame of mind shifted immediately upon understanding the situation. She felt differently in every way. Just because she was thinking differently about what had just happened. A little information changed everything. And, most often in situations dealing with other people we don’t know the whole story. Even when we think we do.

So, she reasoned, thinking differently made her feel differently, changed the whole situation entirely. What if you did that more often? What if, when you get annoyed at someone, or frustrated or impatient, you knew the back story? Sometimes it wouldn’t matter, some people you just don’t want to be around or know.

But, it’s not about them, it’s about you. What are you experiencing? How do you feel? How would you rather feel? Is it a choice? If so, how do you get there? These are all really interesting questions. I used to get really angry at people that annoyed me – I could start a whole long story in my head and get pretty worked up about it. Now, when I don’t like someone, or I think they’re acting like a jerk, I think about how unhappy they must be to behave like that, I’m grateful I’m not like that, or don’t have to be around them or live with them – I wish them well and move on. In doing so, the quality of my life improves, because after all, our lives are a collection of moments strung together – so the quality of all those moments is really the sum of our lives, and I’m aiming for the best quality I can get, as often as I can get it. It’s a mental game, and it’s work, but I love that it gets better over time. And easier.

I think that building a business is largely a mental game. In fact, I’ve been in business for myself for 23 years and probably the most important piece of wisdom I’ve gained is: your success will be directly proportionate to your ability to handle adversity. I’ve seen two people in the same situations, dealing with the same difficulties (I’ve even been one of them occasionally) and they handle it completely differently.

Some people really dig their teeth into a problem, almost like it’s something delicious to them, they talk about it, they make it worse, they want everyone to know how bad it is. They need all kinds of people to help them solve it. Someone else facing the same circumstances says – OK, how can I solve this? They tackle it, get it done and move on, it isn’t a big deal simply because they decided it wasn’t.

There’s that quote that often gets attributed to Henry Ford: Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right. Sort of like that. If you want it to be a huge big deal, it can be. If you see it as a small obstacle, that’s what it is and so what?

One thing to think about when you find yourself getting angry or frustrated or even feeling insecure or not good enough is what would it look like or sound like if you thought the exact opposite? It may seem stupid at first, but it’s good perspective on what would change if you thought about something another way. And, if it puts things in perspective and makes you start to realize you’ve got a choice, it can only be a good thing. As we like to say around here: would you rather be right, or would you rather be happy?

I’ll leave you with that to contemplate.

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